I'm Glad That You Hate Me

Who do you want to hate you?

That’s not a rhetorical question — it’s one that everyone who wants to be great should ask.

Former NBA All-Star Gilbert Arenas sums up this phenomenon when talking about the initial reaction to Kobe Bryant’s “Mamba Mentality” across the league: 

“Greatness doesn’t want to be liked. Nobody liked Kobe Bryant. Like it’s funny when everybody had a ‘Mamba Mentality.’ Everybody hated the ‘Mamba Mentality’ [when he was playing]. Y’all hated that he thought selfish like that. Now it’s okay.”

And Kobe himself loved being hated. Instead of seeking mismatches, he actively sought out the other team’s best players and pissed them off. He wanted to get under their skin and bring out an intensity that only came with hate so that their elevated play in turn elevated his.

The worst advice I’ve ever received was to try to be liked by everyone. That sort of attitude means acting differently with each person you meet.

If Kobe Bryant followed that advice, he would not have reached the levels of team and personal success that he did. He was notoriously hard on teammates who didn’t match his work ethic, which created strong bonds with the ones who did.

When you conform to what others are comfortable with, it is a recipe for being average and disingenuous. Instead, be the most extreme and authentic version of yourself that you can be, and let your supporters come to you organically.

Tech entrepreneur Bryan Johnson has a rule I like:

“If you dont have haters, you want to dial it up. You really do want the energy of haters. They are fantastic. They bring so much energy and they offer great perspectives… Be grateful [that] they are taking the time to hate you. It’s a compliment.”

In other words, if you don’t have any haters it means that you’re being too basic. You’re playing it safe in the hopes that no one is outraged at the things you do or say. But while people-pleasers may be tolerated, they are also easily forgotten. They provoke no thought and leave no impact.

So who do you want your haters to be?

I’ll go first: People who don’t read, learn, or question anything. I mean that. I can’t stand people who are robots. If I ever find myself on the side of people whose reasoning for making decisions is “because that’s the way things have always been done”, then I’ve failed miserably.

Identifying who you want your haters to be can serve as a great North Star. Each time you need to make an important decision, ask yourself: “What would one of my haters do?”, and do the complete opposite.

So who do you want your haters to be?

I got the Bryan Johnson quote from this video on Twitter. Bryan definitely has more than a few haters, and his virality is a testament to his ability to use those people to his advantage. Whatever your opinion on his anti-aging practices, the man is a genius at getting people’s attention.

The Gilbert Arenas quote comes from this podcast clip.

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