How to Say What You Mean

When Terri Irwin was a child, her family nursed a flock of baby ducks who had lost their mother.

As her father saw her growing attached to the ducks, he struggled to find a way to tell Terri that they couldn't keep the ducks forever.

Children are hard-headed and don't have the wisdom to be as empathetic as adults can be.

Ultimately, he used her room as an analogy for why they had to let the ducks go soon: "Imagine if you could never leave this room. We'd bring in all your favorite food, and maybe you could have a TV and radio in here, but you still couldn't ever leave. Would you be happy?"

Terri immediately got the point in the only way a 10-year-old could understand — an example she could relate to her own life.

But the truth is, we're not that different from children. You have your beliefs and expertise while others have a different set of beliefs and knowledge. You need information that is tailored to YOU.

Stories are essential in bridging these gaps.

In the book "Made to Stick", the authors use Nordstrom's employee training process as a case for telling vivid & unexpected stories.

Instead of saying that they "value customer service", they give employees examples of past notable behavior, like the employee who warmed a customer's car while he shopped in the store.

Unique stories like that give the employees a clear standard for customer service that no platitude could achieve.

Most people don't have your PhD or your life experiences, so they have no clue what you mean when you say "justice" or "attention to detail".

For example, let’s say you’re setting boundaries with your partner. Try giving some examples of times in the past when your friends or family acted in a “disloyal” way instead of just saying “I need loyalty.” What “loyalty” means to you and me may be miles apart, but you would never know it if I didn’t illustrate it for you.

Instead of trying to describe what you mean, tell a story or use an analogy that illustrates what you mean.

Everyone can understand a story.