What the hell am I doing, and is this all worth it?

This week, I felt stuck.

It was one of those weeks where I had to speed up just to keep up my usual pace, and even that wasn’t enough.

On top of that, I’m learning some new skills and rethinking some of my long-term goals and ambitions.

All of this built up into a mountain of anxiety that made me think:

What the hell am I doing, and is this all worth it?

But the beauty of living a life of deep thought is that I’ve already answered these questions. I do so every time I write or pick up a book.

So I searched through my books, looking for the right words, and landed upon this gem:

And just like that, it all made sense.

My life consists almost only of things I am passionate about. Writing, art, health, philosophy, family, and friends, to name a few.

But this is a double-edged sword. It means that everything I do carries significant weight.

For example, if I worked for someone else and made a mistake, it might cost me my paycheck, but not my own self-respect or integrity.

Writing, on the other hand, is a direct reflection of my philosophy and passions. Likewise, skipping a few too many workouts would mean that I lack discipline, one of the virtues I speak about often.

These mistakes do say something about me.

Maybe that’s not a healthy way to look at it, but I don’t really care. It’s the truth.

Nonetheless, this “episode” reminded me that Resistance is a good sign you are on the right track. When you feel it, keep going!

Use it not as an excuse to run away from the work, but as the fuel necessary to make the work as good as it can be.

Ultimately, the effort you need to put in to overcome your Resistance is the only kind of effort that will yield work of substance.

If things are feeling too easy for too long, I would suggest looking for something else to do.

In nature, evergreens have to grow through intense conditions if they are to live long. Likewise, all work that lasts generations comes at the expense of comfort.

Marcus Aurelius wrote most of his Meditations on the frontlines of war and amidst a pandemic. Its timelessness is due to the struggle that birthed it.

Take that into account the next time you want to create a legacy that outlives you while still maintaining your comfort.

P.S. My friend and fellow writer Nick Bibeau had me on his podcast recently. We had one of my favorite conversations in recent memory, here’s the link to that to anyone interested!