Worry Never Solves Itself

This post is for me, or at least the past version of me, the one who always seemed to feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety and dread in each moment, even when he was having fun.

If that's also you, this post is for you too.

Worry never solves itself.

Those words popped into my mind not too long ago, and I can't stop repeating them. Worry is a never-ending cycle that feeds itself. And if you stand by and let it, it'll keep repeating in a never-ending loop.

So, in order to escape this worry or anxiety, first, you need to be aware that it's happening.

How does anxiety feel?

When does it pop up?

Is it when you're around your mother-in-law, when you're out at a party, or when you're doing your taxes?

Get as specific as possible by using my favorite question:

"Why?"

Become like the 8-year-old who can't stop asking why, and keep asking until you're satisfied with the answer.

Addition and Subtraction

When you can identify specific causes, figure out whether you need to add or subtract things from your life.

Sometimes, you need to remove certain people from your life, partly or entirely.

Maybe you need to limit your drinking or your screen time.

Find your bad behaviors and cut them down.

Other times, you'll need to add things to your routine, usually in the form of physical activity.

Walking is meditation disguised as cardio. That's why I think every able-bodied person should take at least one 15-minute walk daily, without music, phone calls, or distractions—just some time alone with your thoughts.

For others, adding exercise a few times a week or cleaning up your diet is the low-hanging fruit.

But addition isn't limited to exercise.

You might want to try journaling, therapy, meditation, or whatever else you feel can help you.

The good news about these changes is that there are specific things that can help you.

The bad news? It's never the same for everyone. But that's the fun part! Nothing in your life is worth learning more than what makes you the best version of yourself.

Beware of Constant Pleasure Seeking

What you don't want to do is engage in constant pleasure-seeking.

Drinking your troubles away or distracting yourself with any number of vices is the opposite of what you want to do.

Doom-scrolling, or whatever your drug of choice is, feels good in the moment.

But it's temporary. It never rids you of the dread that hangs over you in your sobriety.

In fact, it makes things worse in the long run.

After all, you're not anxious all the time because you aren't having enough fun. The source of anxiety is always deeper than that.

So, the more self-destructive behavior you engage in, the more it distracts you from what you're actually supposed to be doing.

Or, more simply put, it's taking you away from "the work."

The author Steven Pressfield refers to the force that pulls you away from your calling as "Resistance".

So when I say "work," I don't mean your job.

It can mean writing the novel you've always wanted to write, signing up for therapy, or, for many, spending some time with yourself, figuring out what you need, who you want to be, and what makes you feel like you.

In the digital age, these things take a lot of work to do.

When you're in your room alone, scrolling social media or on the Internet, you're not actually alone. You're being bombarded by opinions and illusions from people trying to push their views upon you (as a writer who posts his work online, the irony of this statement isn't lost on me).

That's no place to spend most of your time, especially if you're trying to learn more about yourself.

Worry Be Gone

If "worry never solves itself" doesn't resonate with you, consider Marcus Aurelius' perspective on anxiety:

"Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions — not outside."

This isn't to say that it's easy to discard anxiety, but that it's possible.

If the problem lies within you, so does the answer. But it's going to take real work.

It requires stepping outside of the endless loop of worry, because worry never solves itself.