The 1 Skill You Need to Stand Out

“How many hours a day do you write?”

It’s a question I get a lot but don’t like to answer.

I know the answer, of course. It’s anywhere from 1-4 hours daily.

When people ask that question, they assume that writing is just putting pen paper or fingers to a keyboard. But it’s more than that.

If I’m feeling ironic, my answer to that recurring question is that I write all day, every day.

But there’s some truth to that. I write when I’m having an interesting conversation, when I’m waiting in line at the grocery store, or when I’m out for a walk.

These moments, paired with some critical thought, become the things I write. Writing would be miserable if you were only allowed to think with the pen in your hand.

In my opinion, the ability to pay attention is a skill that everyone should keep honing. Being socially inept is the reason you haven’t gotten everything you deserve at work or in relationships.

When someone speaks, or something happens around me, I’m always paying attention. I think that comes from being introverted in my younger years. And even as became more outgoing, it has been strengthened through practice and guidance.

One recent example of someone who has guided this awareness is Ernest Hemingway. When giving advice to an aspiring writer, he once said that the key to becoming a good writer is to always pay attention.

But not only do you need to pay attention, but you also have to keep following the thread of your thoughts and your feelings all the way to their source. Once you’ve become proficient in that, then apply that same observation to others and figure out why and what is causing them to act the way they're acting.

One of the keys, he explains, is to reserve any judgments. That reminds me of what the narrator, “Nick Carraway”, in The Great Gatsby says about being someone who is non-judgmental:

When you can really “reserve all judgments,” people feel safe speaking with you. You become the person that people open up to quickly, regardless of how long you’ve known them.

And you won't like all of them, but you will respect them because you'll realize what Hemingway and Nick Carraway both realized:

Everyone has a reason for doing what they do.

In other words, everyone has a story. And beyond finding the beauty and shared humanity in other people's stories, as I do, it's also a competitive advantage. The more you can get people to talk about themselves, the more you learn their motivations and goals.

This can help you anywhere from motivating somebody you're training or coaching to trying to negotiate a deal with somebody and trying to line up your incentives with theirs.

In my baseball career, the main difference between good coaches and bad coaches was communication.

Bad coaches demand that you understand them.

Good coaches meet you where you’re at, and find ways to make their teaching personal to you.

Paying attention is the only way to meet people where they’re at and treat them fairly. It’s an equal exchange that makes you a better writer, leader, and friend.